“Helping
Our Children Worship”
by Pastor Ron Unger
Galilean Pastor August 1999 - September 2005
INTRODUCTION
I wrote this years ago for another congregation which was asking how it could train various aged children to participate in its Sunday morning worship.
The question quickly shifted to, “how can parents prepare their children for age-appropriate involvement?”
So this is addressed to the parents, Godparents and grandparents of children who accompany them on Sunday morning. Because it wasn’t written with any one family in mind, don’t take it personally. On the other hand, if it describes your child’s participation (or lack of it) in worship, please do take it personally!
I hope the following will be a helpful resource for you. Although the entire message is worth reading, you may want to give special attention to the age group(s) of your own kids.
1. INFANTS IN WORSHIP
“Babies can’t get anything out of a worship service, so why bother bringing them? Besides, I can’t concentrate when my little one starts fussing. It’s just not worth the hassle.”
Sound familiar? All parents know the feeling. But if you think babies can be a bother in church, just wait till they get older! Yet, what did your Lord mean when he said, “let the little children come to me and do not deny them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven”? That’s a wide-open invitation.
Just what do our infants “get out of” Sunday morning worship? Anything? Well, at one of the very first services they attend, they receive the best thing of all: new life through the sacrament of Baptism! That’s surely something. But there’s more.
It’s true that infants don’t understand the liturgy, Scripture lessons, sermon or prayers. But most of that is cognitive, that is, directed at the brain. Something else happens in worship which is directed at the heart and soul. Participation in worship develops some very specific feelings and life-long attitudes. Much of our learning is head-centered. But learning (and most early training) also occurs at a subconscious level. And that’s what infants “get out of” Sunday worship: an early sense of “at-homeness” and comfort being in church surrounded by other Christians, and being a part of their parents’ activities, including worship.
Studies show that life-long feelings of comfort or
discomfort in the church are established by worship patterns in our early
years. Even sleeping through the first year of worship attendance, an infant
is learning to feel, “I’m comfortable here.
I belong!”
But yes, there are times when an infant will be his/her unpredictable self. That’s to be expected. And it has been anticipated by the church. That’s why parents are free to walk their babies in the foyer (where there’s a speaker) or take their little ones to the nursery. Generations of parents have found the need to remove their children (before too much damage has been done) for a walk down the hall or some pacing in the rear of the sanctuary. Feel free!
One word of warning, however: going to the nursery should never be made to seem a punishment (or worse, a reward) for disruptive behavior.
Gurgling and humming infants are a pleasant addition to the liturgy, but the Scripture Lessons and sermon require more concentration. Why should disruptive children ever be removed? It’s more than a matter of etiquette to the pastor (although preaching an unheard sermon is a waste of several hours of preparation and the congregation’s money also), it is also a display of respect for the Word of God and other worshippers’ spiritual needs. Worshippers in your pew or in front of you may have come in grief or with great burdens. Please be courteous and take their needs into
account.
2. YOUNG CHILDREN AT WORSHIP
Up until about the age of 3 you’ve probably tried to keep your young one occupied during worship. Now it’s time for him/her to be occupied with worship.
Our youngsters are having lots of new experiences. We usually prepare them for those experiences by talking about them ahead of time (trips to the doctor, dentist, etc.). It makes good sense to talk to them about worship also.
Our children’s expectations usually reflect our own. If we’re excited about going fishing or to a ball game, or to visit family friends, they will usually get excited about it also. Their enthusiasm for worship also tends to reflect our own. We can generate a sense of expectancy by reminding them, enthusiastically, “tomorrow morning is Sunday School and church!” Sadly, the reverse is also true.
“But can kids who can’t even read a hymnal yet really get anything out of the service?” There’s that question again! Why do we assume a child has to be able to read or fully understand the service to benefit from worship? Even if they don’t understand everything that is said, they do have a sensory appreciation: music, flowers, candles, vestments, the scent of wine at the communion. That’s a multimedia experience!
Children also learn reverence by standing and kneeling, bowing their heads and folding their hands, and trying to sing and speak along with others even if they don’t know all the words. Remember, this is a time of learning.
The young child should be encouraged to make the worship his own as he/she grows and develops. He/she can participate in memorized prayers, creeds, hymns and favorite parts of the liturgy. Take a hymnal home and study it together. Notice the child’s new joy in being able to speak the creed, for example, “just like everyone else.”
In the long run, a child’s sense of joy, awe, reverence, trust and enthusiasm in worship will usually reflect that of his/her parents. You are the example he/she looks up to. What a responsibility; but also what a great opportunity.
Remember that worship takes adequate preparation and training. You spend a lot of time teaching your child how to throw a ball, swim, eat with utensils, bathe, etc. Spend some time training him/her how to join in worship.
3. PRE-TEENS AT WORSHIP
By middle school age our children have usually established some pretty routine worship patterns. They may even feel comfortable to the point of boredom. The worship pattern is no longer exciting or even very taxing.
This is a perfect age to challenge them and help them to develop some variety and change. Many of us do our pre-adolescents a disservice by allowing them to continue with a six- or seven-year-old’s worship habits. No wonder they start to feel that they are “outgrowing” their need for Sunday worship. But what they’re really outgrowing is their early childhood attitudes and behavior.
In most other areas of life these young people are beginning to ask a lot of questions. They should be encouraged to raise them about worship also. It's a great time to talk about the subject.
At this age our children no longer “act up” in worship. They try to “tune out” instead. They know they won’t be sent to the nursery, so they escape mentally and emotionally instead. They blame their boredom on others and try to find excuses for not wanting to attend worship.
What’s happened? For one thing, it’s at about this age that children begin to look upon worship as a “getting” activity, rather than a “giving” activity. When they were younger, they loved to sing God’s praises, drop their offerings in the plate, GIVE. Now, because this tends to be a more “selfish” age-level, they’re asking what they GET from worship.
They’re also trying to determine whether their worship attendance is really a reflection of who they are or a “hand-me-down” from their parents. Catechism classes can help in their individualized pursuit, but so can parents.
Also, they need some new motivation for worship and new ways of participating in it.
Now stop and ask yourself: when’s the last time you told your child why you worship? Have you really ever spoken about it? Maybe nothing has been said since he/she was about five years old and you said, “Come on, we’re going to church.” That may have been enough then, but it no longer satisfies. So, just why do you worship? Share it with your growing child. And explain, as best you can, the significance of the various parts of the liturgy.
Finally, give your child some suggestions. Have you encouraged him/her to have a period of personal meditation upon entering church? Have you pointed out the various prayers and psalms available in the hymnal for personal reading before the service or during the Communion? Do you know your child’s favorite hymn? Have you told him/her which parts of the service have had special meaning for you? All of this helps the pre-teen begin to form his/her own personal sense of spiritual identity, establish a devotional life, and encourages a sense of awe and reverence.
4. TEENAGERS AT WORSHIP
“They were more
manageable as infants! Maybe we should
have a nursery for teens!”
That’s the way many parents of teenagers feel. What can we do when we seem to have such little influence any more over our growing children who are developing a mind of their own?
A few observations about teenagers might be helpful. They tend to travel in “packs.” They’re still coping with an incomplete sense of identity. They sometimes seem purposefully and even daringly irreverent. They are unpredictable. They rebel at the notion of “tradition.” They tend to find something “funny” about much that is religious. They are susceptible to peer pressure. They want to do things their way. “Their way” is almost always informal.
How does all of this manifest itself spiritually, in the church?
Their primary reason for attending may be to hang out with their friends. Or they may try to stay away because they have no group of friends at the church. But their sense of “groupiness” is a real and healthy growing concept of the church as people, rather than a building. They are discovering “community.” Problem is, their “community” may be limited to similar folks who are the same age and who act, think, and dress alike. Their concept needs enlarging. Because in the church there are lots of different people who are also part of the church community.
Most teens naturally prefer a more informal worship style. And they get a chance to experience that on retreats and at Youth Gatherings. But worship with the larger community of the local church is always a compromise in worship style preferences.
How can you help your teen? Be aware of his/her spiritual growth:
1. Teens are tremendously idealistic. Tap into that idealism. Their sense of
commitment to God may never be greater!
2. Help them develop their sense of community. Speak to them about those
remembered in the church’s prayers that week. Who are they? What life
experiences are they facing that week? What is our relationship to them? How
can we reach out?
3. Don’t fall for their irreverent bluff. Teens have some of the deepest feelings of
awe and mystery. Encourage them to share those with you and find ways of
expressing them.
4. Believe it or not, this may be the time to initiate family devotions! It will seem
awkward at first, but this could bond your whole family closer together.
5. If you’ve done a good job in helping your child’s spiritual development up to
this point (or even if you haven’t), don’t be surprised if he/she is even more frequent at worship than you are!
5. ADULTS AT WORSHIP
If you’ve been involved in regular worship your whole life, you’ve come to appreciate the weekly feast more and more. Share what you’ve come to expect, enjoy and celebrate with your children, whatever age they are.
If you are establishing a new pattern of regular worship, the following might be helpful to you.
You can prepare for worship even during the week by reading the Lessons, Psalm and Prayer for the coming Sunday. They are all listed in the front of the hymnal (oh, and you can purchase a hymnal for home use).
You can also prepare by reading through the Lessons and liturgy in the bulletin after entering the church before the service begins. This can be a wonderful time for personal meditation, prayer and reflection.
It was once common for worshippers to arrive and depart in almost total silence. Those days are gone. People enjoy greeting fellow members of the “communion of saints.” So there will probably be some “noise” coming from the foyer.
Once inside the sanctuary, however, please respect the meditation of others. Greetings are always welcome, but too much loud conversation may be distracting to others.
There are some church buildings which are so majestic that we naturally enter them silently and would never think of talking above a whisper. Let’s face it, our building is not one of them! All the more reason to remind ourselves of the reverence we should show in any place of worship.
Informal conversation in the sanctuary before the service can also be a technique used to avoid reverence, to deny that we are entering the presence of God. Some are fearful of silence and a sense of the holy. Remember that worship is intentional; we’re either doing it or we’re not.
The liturgy has a distinct “flow” to it. The sense of that flow can easily be interrupted. There are also distinct “breaks” in the liturgy.
For example, if arriving late, we can feel comfortable walking in during announcements or while a hymn is being sung. But we don’t want to interrupt something as intense as Confession & Forgiveness (best to wait in the foyer or back of the sanctuary until that part of the service is completed).
It’s also regarded as disrespectful to the Word of God to exit during the reading of the Scripture lessons (unless it’s an emergency, of course). The same would be true during the Prayers.
Sometimes people have to leave early. But please don’t leave while the Holy Communion is in progress. It’s a bit like getting up from the dinner table before all have finished eating.
These are simply customary. But please do encourage your children to assume the usual posture.
Physical problems and medical ailments may prevent the usual. So you are free to sit if need be where others stand, or to stand (probably near the back of the church) if you have difficulty sitting. And nobody ever MUST kneel. It’s more important for you to be in worship than to be going through all the calisthenics.
Although we may try new worship forms, none of them is experimental. That’s because there is no such thing as “experimental” worship. There is only worship, whatever patterns we use. Some may be more to our liking than others, but all give us the opportunity to worship. Helpful patterns are usually retained, others are short-lived. But everything that happens in the sanctuary should be regarded as sincere worship.
“Liturgy” is the Greek word for “work.” Worshipping is work that requires energy. Let us work with and for one another so that we can experience the blessings of worship together. That includes sensitivity to each others’ needs, training our children, personally preparing for worship, and helping visitors work their way through our sometimes foreboding worship pattern.